After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
