Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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