I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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