apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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