mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I love you. Go after that dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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