are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
