just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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