So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
