I looked at my own cervix.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
