you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize