I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
where are you?
Hypothermia
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
