His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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