That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize