When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
