There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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