I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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