last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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