look no pants
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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