I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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