break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
