I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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