Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
