I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
