If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
