"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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