I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
