I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
