I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
