you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
