I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
