Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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