i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
