Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
