Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
