Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
