apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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