I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just found puke in my bra..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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