She's JV to your varsity
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
