You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
