Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
