No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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