those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
