Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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