Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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