am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
