even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
