and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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