This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
