Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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