69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
