Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
