On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
