i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
