I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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