Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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