Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
