I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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