you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
