I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize