I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
