I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im part way to drunk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
