I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Send help, water and tortillas.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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