im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
