Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
