remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
