Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would ride that face into the sunset
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
