Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
