there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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