i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
