in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
