I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
is that a dick in a sweater?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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