I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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