She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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