so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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