I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What a dumb baby whore.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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