what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
