btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
