you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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