he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
