so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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