In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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