my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
