why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
