OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
