I am spending my child support on dildos
well you can't waste a boner
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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