Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
