Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
