She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize