I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
