Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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