I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drake has all the answers
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
