you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
