How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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