Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have fence marks all over my body
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
