So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
