Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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