I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
