P.S. I can't hear my feet
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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