dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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