I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
