this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
