i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Randomize
