I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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