Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
